That dude I can't finish drawing (wip)

Initial doodle.
Fresh from the boring classes

not finished

not finished

The Warmest Welcome

I came home today almost after a month and found these awesome people waiting at the station to welcome me home. :D :D :D

♥

♥

Rudro, Shakik, Ontu, Tashfi, Renly, Pritom, THANK YOU.
I don't know what to say, I am humbled.
Small gestures make huge impressions.
:'}

Photos: Tashfi

Ambitions and Wishes

Isn't it funny how almost everyone, as a child wants to become a pilot or an astronaut when they grow up?
Hey, I'm not complaining, I wanted to become a pilot as a child too. In fact, I still sometimes dream of becoming an astronaut.

Ambitions are curious things. Funny how at different stages of life they keep changing.
Somehow the word has lost all it's original meaning. Today Ambition means having and becoming the expensive, luxurious life and being at the high end of the society.
What happened to our values, traditions, and rich (not in terms of money) lifestyle? How did  we forget way we were brought up? I don't know about the later generations, but what happened to ours?
Those little Paras and Mohollas. Big gatherings around courtyards. Playing hide and seek with all the kids in the entire neighborhood. That unforgettable glint in our eyes whenever we heard the ice cream man ring its bell. Everyone drawing with chalks on huge courtyards. What happened to all those little heart warming things that make LIFE?

I know what happened.
Education happened.
Sometimes I feel like the whole purpose of education in this land is to make everyone remarkably average and mediocre. Make everyone the same person. They eat, sleep, talk, work and feel the same way.
Where's the room for individuality?
Did we sacrifice all our aspirations for promises of a high paying desk job?
What if I just want a simple job even after having higher degrees?
At this point comes the paradox of surviving, of social and financial security. But the part I find sad is that everyone just settles for this. After they get a 'job' they just stop fighting for these things.
Today I am saying all this, but I'd hate to find myself in similar situations one day.

I've had enough of this suffocating expectations forcefully posed on us by society. Everyone wants everyone to become a doctor or an engineer. Anyone who speaks out loud about wanting to be otherwise is still, practically a taboo. And I have an immense amount of respect for people that do.
I have already given up a choice which could've made things different for me. And as I continue my studies in architecture, an artsy name for a corporate sellout given the scenario in this country, I am supposed to want to work in a big, corporate firm, magically make loads of money the day I finish my studies and live like rich snob.

No.
I don't want that anymore.
I think I want a simple life now.
I want just enough to sustain myself.
I just want to keep drawing, I don't want anything out of it. I don't want fame, I don't want money from it.
Whatever I get from drawing is a reward.
I don't want a big house.
I just want my house to have a balcony and a lawn in front of it. I want to be able to watch the rain and the stars. I hate the fact that I can't see the night sky clearly because of all these insanitary city lights. I hate the fact that I can't hear the rain clearly without it being interrupted by the sounds of water pumps. I also really want my house to be in the neighborhood i grew up in. The neighborhood my mother grew up in.
I don't want a busy, rush filled life.
Sure, parties, flashy lights and concerts are fun, but only once in a while.
I just want to see my friends everyday. I want to have tea at local, unhygienic tea-tongs with them at the days end and nothing in this world could ever bother me.
I want to visit the banks of Padma everyday.
I want to meet people and know them, know their stories. I don't want pretentious formal hi-hello, I want real conversation. I want to know all the things they have been screaming silently so far.
Meeting people, knowing their stories and going through their layers are the biggest adventure for me.
I want to have an infinite amount of patience and love.
I want to have a heart like a child, brain like an wise old man, and the ethics of a tree.
I want people to love animals as much as they love their lifeless possessions.
I want to see people doing the things they love, without any judgement.
I want to know this world, the very core of it, and all the little treats life offers us every day.

And I still, DEFINITELY want to be an astronaut :)

Late For Work

This is how I feel about life sometimes. Amazing work. Respect :/

My Tombstone

Okay, so I've given this a lot of thought and here's what I think I want my tombstone to read.
(If someone finds this post when I die, that is)

আকাশভরা সূর্য-তারা, বিশ্বভরা প্রাণ, তাহারি মাঝখানে আমি পেয়েছি  আমি পেয়েছি মোর স্থান, বিস্ময়ে তাই জাগে  জাগে আমার গান॥

two-face-book

Its going to be one month in a few days that I have been away from facebook.
And by being away I mean I deactivated my account.

I am kind of surprised at myself. I never thought I'd be able to pull this off. Why I deactivated my account and why I am not returning is a totally another story, I won't be getting into that. But here's what I learned from this new experience:

Not being on facebook is a liberating feeling. All of a sudden you have all this free time and immense amount of attention to put into many creative ventures.

Its funny how for some people, facebook has become synonymous with socialization. In fact, for them, if you're not on facebook, you do not exist. A lot of people act like they are your buddies and suddenly, when you're not on facebook, they don't even bother contacting you. And I JUST DEACTIVATED MY FAEBOOK! ALL MY OTHER ONLINE ACCOUNTS ARE STILL INTACT! I've actually had people telling me they couldn't contact me because I'm not on facebook.
Nice.

This is not some post criticizing facebook and all, and honestly I myself will be back on facebook soon. This just shows how messed up people are these days. I have serious doubts about your priorities and the way you were brought up. Shame on you, people.
SHAME ON YOU.

In The Corner of Her Eyes (wip)

An Apology

It probably needs no mentioning that I am Homesick.
To the point of a mental disorder.
 If you know me, you've probably heard me say it thousands of time. And believe me, I'm not just saying this to get any attention or simply because its a fancy word. I never myself imagined I'd end up like this one day. You may or may not believe me, but I face a really difficult time dealing with this. It is way harder for me to cope with this than it is for you to hear me whine and complain about this. Perhaps one day when you face similar situations (I hope you never do), you will understand.

This was one of the main reasons for me to not participate in anything much in Khulna. Even though I was obliged to. Still, I tried, and participated in a bunch of activities. But I've reached a point where everything in Khulna has lost its charms for me. I don't exactly know why, which makes me hate and loath myself. Self loathing mixed with loneliness mixed with homesickness is a dreadful combo. It reduces you to someone you cant stand and drains out all your aspirations. Then the process repeats itself. The misery spirals outwards and outwards. I'm not going to go to the details but the fact is I've been stuck in this vicious cycle for years now. The only thing truly helping has been my family, friends and home.

I think they are the same thing though, not three different things.

So, anyways, coming 10th, 11th and 12th September will be the Rag day of my batch in Khulna University. I see many people working, helping out, and going out of their ways to make this huge program a success. Everyone is helping, except me.
I am acting like a total arrogant snob. An inconsiderate jerk. I was approached by some really nice people to pitch in, but I didn't. I didn't even tell them why, I just said NO.

I would've told you why if I had known for myself. How do I say this...... Its like a part of me pulling me away from these things. And Its not just the helping out part, I don't think I will attend the program myself. Rag day, last occasion of fun with a lot of familiar faces. Rag day of my own batch.
And still I won't attend.

Pathetic, I know. I am.

Maybe its because I miss my home so much that it makes having fun look sad. I feel guilty. Also maybe because I am afraid. Afraid of the huge sigh that will engulf me when all the flashy things are over because my friends are not with me. Without them nothing makes sense. I'll always be alone in a crowd without them beside. Its not that I can't stand people from Khulna, Its just that I cherish two simple days and Tea hangouts with my friends in Rajshahi than all this show-festivity. Everyone keeps telling me to participate more in Khulna University, as I will get a lot of time in life to spend in Rajshahi. And I wonder, what if THIS is all the time that is offered?

I am talking real gibberish today. The whole point of this post was to say sorry to certain people.
Rafi, Fahim, Antara, Rimon, Eric, Rupu, Tomal I will surely miss occasionally bumping into you people. I had some of my best times in this Campus with you guys.
I don't know a lot of people in my campus, but I sure am glad I knew you guys.
You asked for my help and I refused, even though I have fun working with you people.
I don't know if you'll ever read this someday but you should know.
I am really sorry.
ভালো থাকিস :)

Aleatory

Cliche

Glitch